The bones of the new Netflix Snowflake Mountain series are as old as time. It’s a reality show about unhappiness, where a gang of ill-equipped people is dragged out into the wilderness and forced into their own. It’s SAS: Who Dare Wins. I’m I’m a Celebrity. It’s The Island with Bear Grylls, or Eden, or Naked and Fear, or maybe that awful new Squid Game soundtrack. You’ve seen versions of it before, and you’ll continue to see versions of it until the end of time.
So how does Snowflake Mountain try to differentiate itself from the package? Well, this is 2022 so, with inevitably beating enough to pulverize your bones, it has chosen to throw itself biped into the cultural wars.
It’s called Snowflake Mountain, because of the loud screaming. Here we are now as a civilization. A series of pampered and over-emotional young people – some of whom have the audacity to take selfies, or live with their parents, or their own laptops – dragged in the middle of nowhere seemingly against their will, and all for the benefit of a paying audience silently urged to shout “NO SO NOW THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT WAS NOT THAT THAT THAT WAS NOT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THERE W had NOT BEEN THAT ? ” at their screens whenever one of them reacts badly to their surroundings. As for full dystopia, it’s not quite The Running Man, but it’s not that far off either.
As with most shows of this kind, most of the heavy lifting is done in the first couple of episodes. There we meet the contestants at their most unbearable. Some are being influential, others are being party girls. One in particular is depicted with a clip of his mother literally putting a gold crown on his head. As they begin to understand what the show is asking of them, the contestants universally begin to cry, and this weeping grows in volume and intensity until the moment when – and this is a real part of the show – all their suitcases explode for free beforehand. of them.
This sequence is Snowflake Mountain in the microcosm. The explosives are Joel Graves and Matt Tate, two men who have spent some time in the military and are now shouting things like “Mother nature is the queen of hard love!” to anyone who happens to not share their vile, thousand-yard-sighted worldviews. Like the apparent mentors in the show, it is their job to force the contestants through prolonged bouts of suffering, while constantly reminding them that it is all for their own good.
Of course, none of it is real. As the series goes on, you quickly realize that neither the snowmen nor the mentors are as two-dimensional as they seem. The contestants quickly adapt to their new situation, and the mentors become reliable shoulders to cry on. They climb a mountain together. Together they take care of some chickens. They have what basically amounts to group therapy sessions together, even. Everything is very developed. The problem is, this thing is hidden behind the exhausting glow of a red state / blue state division.
Which raises the question: for whom, exactly, Snowflake Mountain? It’s not for wet liberals who will of course find themselves excited about the way the show caricatures and sponsors Gen Z. Nor is it for the conservative Fox News laugh-heads, as they will invariably find themselves. repulsed by the scenes where the contestants are encouraged to like living things and explore their feelings. And it’s not for anyone else, as they’ll just see the words ‘Snowflake Mountain’ in a Netflix submenu and realize that their lives are too short to engage with this kind of deliberately manipulative dragon.
And this is a pity. Because, if it were treated with even a little less kneeling, kids — today, God-help-us-if-it’s-a-military grumble, Snowflake Mountain would be much nicer to watch. The kids on the show wouldn’t be reduced to their worst traits, the mentors wouldn’t have had to present themselves with so much dishonest intolerance, and we’d have a show whose main goal was not just to win a day and a half of angry engagement of the worst percentile on Twitter .
But here we are. And if the Netflix algorithm declares Snowflake Mountain to be a success, we’ll have even more rubbish like this stuck in our throats forever. If you tolerate Snowflake Mountain, Libtard Island will be next.